It is now 5 weeks post surgery. I feel great, mentally, physically. I've had a couple of minor setbacks. One week post surgery it felt like I was coming down with the flu, the tingly sensation on my skin. Although there was no fever or nausea, it lasted about 24 hours. Then on Thanksgiving Day I ate some crab dip, which made my remaining kidney hurt for about 16 hours. It felt like a pulsing ache going through my left kidney every 10 seconds or so. Turns out that shellfish has toxins which normally doesn't hurt people, but with only 1 kidney...
I'm still feeling the glow from the donation, it's such a great feeling. To come full circle I want to meet the recipient and hear his story. That will make this all worthwhile.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Kidneys -The Final Chapter
Home from the hospital... what an experience.
This week I went in on Monday the 25th for my pre-op visit with the Transplant Center. Got all my instructions, they took blood for a final crossmatch, met with the transplant surgeon again, then the pre-anesthesia clinic.
On Tuesday, I could only eat clear fluids all day in preparation for surgery on Wednesday morning - along with fluid to clean me out (give me diarrhea).
Surprisingly, I was not nervous in the least, no doubts in my head whatsoever. It's like I'm on a path, pre-ordained and nothing was going to stop me from getting to the end.
Wednesday morning we left at 5:30 in order to get to Seattle for my 6:15 check-in at the surgery center. They took us back immediately to prep me for the surgery. I must have stayed there for about an hour while they told us they were getting the operating room set-up.
They wheeled me into the operating room with an oxygen mask over my face. I don't remember anything until I woke up in recovery. When I woke up I was still out of it of course but I remember starting to move my legs, hands and taking deep breaths. I think they moved me up to my room after an hour or so. I remember asking what time it was, and the nurse told me 2:30, so I'd probably been in the operating room for 4 hours or so (my surgeon came out to the waiting room at 1:30 to tell my husband how it went).
All afternoon on Wednesday I was still out of it, drifting in and out of sleep. The nurse tried to get me up to walk around but I started to get nauseated. By Thursday morning I was feeling a lot better though the catheter, while convenient was a big pain. Turns out the pain medication they were giving me was what was making me nauseated so they stopped giving me that and started with oxycodone. By then I was able to eat small meals too.
By Thursday afternoon I was able to take more walks around the floor and once they took the catheter out on Friday morning I felt like I could have done a marathon, ok, not really.
Once the catheter came out, then they removed the IV I was feeling "almost" back to normal.
I came home from the hospital on Friday, about 48 hours after the surgery.
Some of my observations in the hospital:
1. The University of WA Medical Center is a very well run facility. They had room service you could order just about anything you want. The nurses and LPNs were all wonderful, caring people who were there when you needed them. And this was a crowded floor.
2. My kidney was a "Cadillac" according to my surgeon. It started making urine immediately and the recipient started feeling better as soon as it was put in his body.
3. The people I met from the Transplant Center were the best. From my surgeon, Dr. Bakhta to the nurse, to the social worker - they were all caring, wonderful individuals.
4. I do not know who the recipient was yet, it'll be about 3 months until I can find out - but one of the doctors let slip that "he" was doing well.
This is all for now, more later possibly...
This week I went in on Monday the 25th for my pre-op visit with the Transplant Center. Got all my instructions, they took blood for a final crossmatch, met with the transplant surgeon again, then the pre-anesthesia clinic.
On Tuesday, I could only eat clear fluids all day in preparation for surgery on Wednesday morning - along with fluid to clean me out (give me diarrhea).
Surprisingly, I was not nervous in the least, no doubts in my head whatsoever. It's like I'm on a path, pre-ordained and nothing was going to stop me from getting to the end.
Wednesday morning we left at 5:30 in order to get to Seattle for my 6:15 check-in at the surgery center. They took us back immediately to prep me for the surgery. I must have stayed there for about an hour while they told us they were getting the operating room set-up.
They wheeled me into the operating room with an oxygen mask over my face. I don't remember anything until I woke up in recovery. When I woke up I was still out of it of course but I remember starting to move my legs, hands and taking deep breaths. I think they moved me up to my room after an hour or so. I remember asking what time it was, and the nurse told me 2:30, so I'd probably been in the operating room for 4 hours or so (my surgeon came out to the waiting room at 1:30 to tell my husband how it went).
All afternoon on Wednesday I was still out of it, drifting in and out of sleep. The nurse tried to get me up to walk around but I started to get nauseated. By Thursday morning I was feeling a lot better though the catheter, while convenient was a big pain. Turns out the pain medication they were giving me was what was making me nauseated so they stopped giving me that and started with oxycodone. By then I was able to eat small meals too.
By Thursday afternoon I was able to take more walks around the floor and once they took the catheter out on Friday morning I felt like I could have done a marathon, ok, not really.
Once the catheter came out, then they removed the IV I was feeling "almost" back to normal.
I came home from the hospital on Friday, about 48 hours after the surgery.
Some of my observations in the hospital:
1. The University of WA Medical Center is a very well run facility. They had room service you could order just about anything you want. The nurses and LPNs were all wonderful, caring people who were there when you needed them. And this was a crowded floor.
2. My kidney was a "Cadillac" according to my surgeon. It started making urine immediately and the recipient started feeling better as soon as it was put in his body.
3. The people I met from the Transplant Center were the best. From my surgeon, Dr. Bakhta to the nurse, to the social worker - they were all caring, wonderful individuals.
4. I do not know who the recipient was yet, it'll be about 3 months until I can find out - but one of the doctors let slip that "he" was doing well.
This is all for now, more later possibly...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
kidney update
the date has been set! Wednesday, October 27th at 6 a.m. I show up at the University of Washington Medical Center for my nephrectomy (removal of my kidney).
I don't know which kidney they'll take, nor do I care that much. I was surprised at the length of time it took and and amount of tests that they did. My first appointment was on May 19th, so it's taken 5 months to get to this point. Though it has been relatively easy.
I'm thrilled that I get to take the next step. I'm not nervous yet, the operation is 10 days away - and I'm not sure I expect to be nervous. As I told a friend, there will be a white light surrounding me, protecting me.
I have heard some peoples story, from family members, to the actual "recipient" - but I do not know, nor will I know anything about the person who will receive my kidney. I am hoping that eventually they will contact me.
I don't know which kidney they'll take, nor do I care that much. I was surprised at the length of time it took and and amount of tests that they did. My first appointment was on May 19th, so it's taken 5 months to get to this point. Though it has been relatively easy.
I'm thrilled that I get to take the next step. I'm not nervous yet, the operation is 10 days away - and I'm not sure I expect to be nervous. As I told a friend, there will be a white light surrounding me, protecting me.
I have heard some peoples story, from family members, to the actual "recipient" - but I do not know, nor will I know anything about the person who will receive my kidney. I am hoping that eventually they will contact me.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Murder in Monroe
I live in a small town, approx. 16,000 people. And I love it. I've moved around so much in my life that it is nice to finally live somewhere that I enjoy, where I'm involved in the community, where I've got friends.
My husband also operates his business here - and I work for him. A side business is managing a building in our town that has 7 apartments and about 15 commercial/retail spaces.
About 10 days ago a young woman in one of the apartments was murdered. It was not violent (though I suppose you could say all murder is violent), she was strangled in her bed, possibly while drugged and asleep.
While I didn't know Angela well, I'd met her and spoken with her a few times since she moved in in early July - her death has hit me hard. The idea that someone could take her life, destroy it, leave her 7 year old daughter motherless... makes me so angry. Her death has affected a lot of people, from her sister who was her caretaker and is devastated; to her two children who will not grow up with their mom around; to the neighbors all around her apartment that are wondering who did this and are they safe.
They don't know who did this yet but I hope they find the guy and fry him.
My husband also operates his business here - and I work for him. A side business is managing a building in our town that has 7 apartments and about 15 commercial/retail spaces.
About 10 days ago a young woman in one of the apartments was murdered. It was not violent (though I suppose you could say all murder is violent), she was strangled in her bed, possibly while drugged and asleep.
While I didn't know Angela well, I'd met her and spoken with her a few times since she moved in in early July - her death has hit me hard. The idea that someone could take her life, destroy it, leave her 7 year old daughter motherless... makes me so angry. Her death has affected a lot of people, from her sister who was her caretaker and is devastated; to her two children who will not grow up with their mom around; to the neighbors all around her apartment that are wondering who did this and are they safe.
They don't know who did this yet but I hope they find the guy and fry him.
Kidneys... part 6
I've been absent for a while, mostly because nothing has been happening on the kidney-front, well not much.
In early August I had another appointment at UWMC for a nuclear medicine test. I lay on a long thin table while they injected a small amount of radioactive material into my IV. Then I had to stay still for 40 minutes while they photographed my abdominal area. Pretty cool as they could see the material filter down to my kidney's. Then you could see it make it's way into my bladder.
No ill effects from this test. And I was able to chat with the technician for the whole 40 minutes who was a very nice young woman.
This past Monday, August 23rd I got the call from the Transplant Center that I have been approved as a donor.
We set the surgery date for Wednesday, October 27th, 2010. I am very excited! But also a little curious that I'm not more worried. I feel absolutely no doubt or hesitation that what I'm doing is the right thing.
It is a good feeling!
In early August I had another appointment at UWMC for a nuclear medicine test. I lay on a long thin table while they injected a small amount of radioactive material into my IV. Then I had to stay still for 40 minutes while they photographed my abdominal area. Pretty cool as they could see the material filter down to my kidney's. Then you could see it make it's way into my bladder.
No ill effects from this test. And I was able to chat with the technician for the whole 40 minutes who was a very nice young woman.
This past Monday, August 23rd I got the call from the Transplant Center that I have been approved as a donor.
We set the surgery date for Wednesday, October 27th, 2010. I am very excited! But also a little curious that I'm not more worried. I feel absolutely no doubt or hesitation that what I'm doing is the right thing.
It is a good feeling!
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Y
I am on the Board of Directors of our local YMCA - it is a volunteer position.
I was privileged to be invited to the General Assembly in Salt Lake City last weekend - a conference they only put on every 3-5 years. I went with a little trepidation, I don't like being away from home, husband or puppies. But knowing it was only 4 days I knew I could do it.
I had very little expectation on how it would turn out for me. What I didn't expect was all the wonderful people I met. There were about 3500 people there from Y's all across the US - I met people from Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, Wisconsin, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico. Most of them were staff, the split was about 60/40 or 70/30 staff to volunteers. When I told them I was a volunteer from a branch Y in the Seattle area they were all so gracious and thanked me for volunteering. They were genuine and displayed a real warmth. And most of the staff I met had been working for the YMCA for years - from 8, 15, 18, 20 to 30 years. Wow! Now that is dedication.
And the speakers were wonderful, enlightening, uplifting, an inspiration.
One of whom, Nido Quebein I heard on the first day. From him I took away this:
How will you go from success to significance...?
I was privileged to be invited to the General Assembly in Salt Lake City last weekend - a conference they only put on every 3-5 years. I went with a little trepidation, I don't like being away from home, husband or puppies. But knowing it was only 4 days I knew I could do it.
I had very little expectation on how it would turn out for me. What I didn't expect was all the wonderful people I met. There were about 3500 people there from Y's all across the US - I met people from Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, Wisconsin, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico. Most of them were staff, the split was about 60/40 or 70/30 staff to volunteers. When I told them I was a volunteer from a branch Y in the Seattle area they were all so gracious and thanked me for volunteering. They were genuine and displayed a real warmth. And most of the staff I met had been working for the YMCA for years - from 8, 15, 18, 20 to 30 years. Wow! Now that is dedication.
And the speakers were wonderful, enlightening, uplifting, an inspiration.
One of whom, Nido Quebein I heard on the first day. From him I took away this:
How will you go from success to significance...?
Reactions
I try to tell as many people as possible about my decision to donate a kidney to a stranger. And it always surprises me the reactions I get.
Most of the time it is... "oh, how interesting".... then on to the next topic. I spoke to a woman yesterday whose husband had donated a kidney. Her comment was that what I am doing scares some people. Or they don't know exactly what to say so they ignore the whole thing. And a couple of friends have actually tried to talk me out of it, telling me I'm crazy, what if something happens to the other kidney. My response has been, what if something happens to my liver, or heart or brain, I've only got one of those too.
But I've gotten 2 reactions in the last week that gave told me these people "got it". As I told one man last week and he heard my story he looked at me and said "no one I know thinks like that" and "wow, that is so wonderful, you're going to save someone's life". He was practically gushing. That kind of reaction gives me a real sense that I'm doing the right thing.
For me, this is more of a spiritual thing, something I've been called to do. I can't explain it any other way than to say the universe, or God has put this in my path and it is something I have to do.
And I have no doubt that it will all turn out just fine.
Most of the time it is... "oh, how interesting".... then on to the next topic. I spoke to a woman yesterday whose husband had donated a kidney. Her comment was that what I am doing scares some people. Or they don't know exactly what to say so they ignore the whole thing. And a couple of friends have actually tried to talk me out of it, telling me I'm crazy, what if something happens to the other kidney. My response has been, what if something happens to my liver, or heart or brain, I've only got one of those too.
But I've gotten 2 reactions in the last week that gave told me these people "got it". As I told one man last week and he heard my story he looked at me and said "no one I know thinks like that" and "wow, that is so wonderful, you're going to save someone's life". He was practically gushing. That kind of reaction gives me a real sense that I'm doing the right thing.
For me, this is more of a spiritual thing, something I've been called to do. I can't explain it any other way than to say the universe, or God has put this in my path and it is something I have to do.
And I have no doubt that it will all turn out just fine.
kidneys, part 5
I had my CT scan on Monday, July 12th. It was pretty interesting, laying on a table, a donut-like machine making several passes over my middle. I also had to have an IV so that they could inject a contrast dye into my system. You really feel that as it goes in, a hot sensation from my neck down to my groin area - quite bizarre.
I met the surgeon shortly after that - a nice, Indian, Dr. Bhakta. One thing he mentioned that they have a difficult time with living donors, because their oath is "first, do no harm". So for a surgeon to operate on a perfectly healthy person, take out my kidney, which does not benefit me in the least - is totally against their principle of do no harm. An interesting conundrum.
The transplant nurse, Kami, went over all my test results, which were all good. I've been exposed to mono (which I had no idea), my cholesterol is somewhat elevated (208, not good) and I've been exposed to Herpes 2 (cold sores, which I knew). Other than that I am boringly healthy.
I will be approved for kidney donation next week when the doctor in charge returns from vacation and their group meets.
After that, we will set a date, probably the beginning of September. Then they will look for a recipient.
I posed the question to Kami - what if they have two acceptable recipients, both match me well and one is a 65 year old, retired person and other is a 20 year old just starting out in life with many years to go..... How do they resolve that ethical dilemma?
But the UWMC follows the United Network for Organ Sharing guidelines which means they take the person at the top of the list who most closely matches me, no matter the age.
I met the surgeon shortly after that - a nice, Indian, Dr. Bhakta. One thing he mentioned that they have a difficult time with living donors, because their oath is "first, do no harm". So for a surgeon to operate on a perfectly healthy person, take out my kidney, which does not benefit me in the least - is totally against their principle of do no harm. An interesting conundrum.
The transplant nurse, Kami, went over all my test results, which were all good. I've been exposed to mono (which I had no idea), my cholesterol is somewhat elevated (208, not good) and I've been exposed to Herpes 2 (cold sores, which I knew). Other than that I am boringly healthy.
I will be approved for kidney donation next week when the doctor in charge returns from vacation and their group meets.
After that, we will set a date, probably the beginning of September. Then they will look for a recipient.
I posed the question to Kami - what if they have two acceptable recipients, both match me well and one is a 65 year old, retired person and other is a 20 year old just starting out in life with many years to go..... How do they resolve that ethical dilemma?
But the UWMC follows the United Network for Organ Sharing guidelines which means they take the person at the top of the list who most closely matches me, no matter the age.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Kidneys.... part 4
I got the call earlier this week that I am overall healthy and I am a good candidate to donate a kidney! Woo Hoo! Good news!
I've passed the first round of tests and on to the next hurdle.
I will meet with a kidney transplant surgeon and then undergo a CT scan of my kidneys. This will tell them if I have 2 kidneys (not everyone does); whether they appear to be healthy; and which one is a good option for removal.
I am so looking forward to this!
More to come...
I've passed the first round of tests and on to the next hurdle.
I will meet with a kidney transplant surgeon and then undergo a CT scan of my kidneys. This will tell them if I have 2 kidneys (not everyone does); whether they appear to be healthy; and which one is a good option for removal.
I am so looking forward to this!
More to come...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
kidneys, part 3?....
tomorrow morning I meet with the psychiatrist for Univ. of WA Medical Center. This is part of the drill. I'm not really sure what the whole appointment will entail, but it should be interesting. Maybe they want to make sure that I'm not being pressured by a family member or friend, to donate.
But since this is an anonymous donation on my part this is a moot point. Or is it???
I completed some of my testing this week. I collected my urine again for a 24 hour period. I didn't quite fill the one-gallon container like I did last week, but that's ok. I'm curious to see what happens next.
I find this whole process fascinating. But what I find the most fascinating is people's reactions. Most everyone I tell that I am going to be an anonymous, altruistic donor - they look at me like I'm crazy. Either that or their first question is .... WHY? ARE? YOU? DOING? THIS?
Or... what happens if your remaining kidney fails? That's like asking, what if you develop cancer... eventually. I mean, none of us knows what is going to happen in the future. I could be in a car accident tomorrow and be killed. Or I could live to be 105 years old, with no health problems.
I choose to live in the here and now and not worry about the future...
But since this is an anonymous donation on my part this is a moot point. Or is it???
I completed some of my testing this week. I collected my urine again for a 24 hour period. I didn't quite fill the one-gallon container like I did last week, but that's ok. I'm curious to see what happens next.
I find this whole process fascinating. But what I find the most fascinating is people's reactions. Most everyone I tell that I am going to be an anonymous, altruistic donor - they look at me like I'm crazy. Either that or their first question is .... WHY? ARE? YOU? DOING? THIS?
Or... what happens if your remaining kidney fails? That's like asking, what if you develop cancer... eventually. I mean, none of us knows what is going to happen in the future. I could be in a car accident tomorrow and be killed. Or I could live to be 105 years old, with no health problems.
I choose to live in the here and now and not worry about the future...
Monday, June 7, 2010
On death & dying...
The big part of this new path in my life is volunteering. Because I have to work to support myself, I have to pick carefully what I want to get involved in. The next step on my recently discovered path is that I hope to volunteer with Hospice. My training will be in July and I hope to start on this road in late summer/early fall.
When I went to the interview last week she asked me why... Why do I want to volunteer with Hospice?
The simple answer for me is that I don't fear death. While I don't look forward to it, I see it as the next step in our evolution. I read a quote in a newsletter from a wildlife sanctuary I donate $ to in Mississippi something along the lines of "we helped Tiger (an animal who has passed on) over the rainbow bridge". That phrase to me spoke volumes about how I feel about the act of dying. It's not about going into the great unknown, I don't believe in hell - it's all about taking the next step.
It's also not about me, not about what I want to focus on, but rather about helping this person in their last stages of life. If I can give comfort or compassion, if I can make it easier for someone to get to a place of acceptance about their very short future, then that will be of tremendous satisfaction to me.
The bottom line for me though is ... it's time for me to give back. I've been so fortunate in my life - it's time to share.
When I went to the interview last week she asked me why... Why do I want to volunteer with Hospice?
The simple answer for me is that I don't fear death. While I don't look forward to it, I see it as the next step in our evolution. I read a quote in a newsletter from a wildlife sanctuary I donate $ to in Mississippi something along the lines of "we helped Tiger (an animal who has passed on) over the rainbow bridge". That phrase to me spoke volumes about how I feel about the act of dying. It's not about going into the great unknown, I don't believe in hell - it's all about taking the next step.
It's also not about me, not about what I want to focus on, but rather about helping this person in their last stages of life. If I can give comfort or compassion, if I can make it easier for someone to get to a place of acceptance about their very short future, then that will be of tremendous satisfaction to me.
The bottom line for me though is ... it's time for me to give back. I've been so fortunate in my life - it's time to share.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
A vision...
Since deciding to give away a kidney (God willing) I have had a recurring vision. I've had visions before, I usually pay close attention to them. They are important and mean a lot to me.
In this vision I'm walking a path and on another nearly parallel path is another person. The other person is not clear to me, but more nebulous. I know he/she is there but I can't tell if it is a man or woman, younger, older, I'm not sure.
We are walking these nearly parallel paths which will eventually intersect. The intersection is the point at which I give this person my kidney. The other person is the kidney recipient.
I hope this one comes true.
In this vision I'm walking a path and on another nearly parallel path is another person. The other person is not clear to me, but more nebulous. I know he/she is there but I can't tell if it is a man or woman, younger, older, I'm not sure.
We are walking these nearly parallel paths which will eventually intersect. The intersection is the point at which I give this person my kidney. The other person is the kidney recipient.
I hope this one comes true.
My kidneys...
It has been a couple of weeks since my initial testing to be a kidney donor. Since then I haven't worked out once, a couple of reasons. But mostly because I cannot work out (except for swimming) until I do my 2 24 hour urine collection test.
I started my 1st test this morning. I have to pee into a cup for 24 hours and save all my urine in a 1 gallon holder they gave me. This is kind of gross. Go get the gallon container out of the fridge, pee into the cup, then transfer it to the container. My absurd thought was that someone might mistake the container for....?? Ewww!
I will take it to the lab at Valley General Hospital tomorrow morning for analysis.
My TB test was also negative as I knew it would be. My appointment for the Transplant psychiatrist was rescheduled to June 18th.
More to follow...
I started my 1st test this morning. I have to pee into a cup for 24 hours and save all my urine in a 1 gallon holder they gave me. This is kind of gross. Go get the gallon container out of the fridge, pee into the cup, then transfer it to the container. My absurd thought was that someone might mistake the container for....?? Ewww!
I will take it to the lab at Valley General Hospital tomorrow morning for analysis.
My TB test was also negative as I knew it would be. My appointment for the Transplant psychiatrist was rescheduled to June 18th.
More to follow...
Hurtful Things
A couple of significant incidents happened in my life that have made long lasting impressions on me. In the last couple of months, my perceptions of these incidents has changed.
#1 - When I was younger my older brother used to call me Amazon Woman. I took that to be a very negative thing - that I was large.
Now when I was 18, I was 5'10" tall and about 145 pounds, I wore a size 12 pants and a size 10 shoe. If pictures are seen of me, I'm slim, fit and looking pretty good. I played basketball in high school and skied every winter from 11 years old on. Since that time I'm still active, working out between 4-6 days a week. But I've also put on weight. From the time I had my son at 27 I've gained and lost the same weight until now I weigh between 190 and 195.
After lots of soul searching, I'm ok with my weight.
Back to my original thought. I guess I've always been sensitive about my size, I'm the tallest woman in my family. Plus my family used to call me "big boned". True I have a large frame, but when I was a teenager... I was not overweight. And I've always been quite the klutz, running into things, I bruise easily, I'm always in a rush and miscalculate where the door frame is apparently.
So when my brother called me Amazon Woman it hurt tremendously and has lasted in my mind for 44 years. I can correlate so many instances of feeling low self-esteem to those comments.
But now I'm starting to see those comments in a different light. The phrase Amazon refers to women warriors in the Roman Empire. Fierce, courageous,fighting women. Attached is a link to the Wikipedia definition... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amazons.
I've started to think of myself in a totally different way. What a relief.
The second incident happened at my last job. I worked in a male dominated industry. I was the 4th female project manager at my company, all the rest were men. I worked there for nearly 5 years. I loved my job, all the field guys treated me great, I got along well with our engineers and other co-workers. The problem I ran into was the higher ups. They treated the female PM's as if they were not worth nearly as much as the men. And my perception of my immediate boss... well, he wasn't the best. When my employment was terminated in July, 2003 I was devastated. I enjoyed my job and I was very good at it. All my jobs came in on time and I made the company plenty of money. I thought my immediate boss had torpedoed me.
About a month before I was terminated one of the other PM's in my group had taken over from my immediate boss - and I now realize it was his controlling attitude and my independent streak that got me canned.
It is amazing to me how your perceptions can be "off" and until you know the whole story... you could be wrong. I was.
#1 - When I was younger my older brother used to call me Amazon Woman. I took that to be a very negative thing - that I was large.
Now when I was 18, I was 5'10" tall and about 145 pounds, I wore a size 12 pants and a size 10 shoe. If pictures are seen of me, I'm slim, fit and looking pretty good. I played basketball in high school and skied every winter from 11 years old on. Since that time I'm still active, working out between 4-6 days a week. But I've also put on weight. From the time I had my son at 27 I've gained and lost the same weight until now I weigh between 190 and 195.
After lots of soul searching, I'm ok with my weight.
Back to my original thought. I guess I've always been sensitive about my size, I'm the tallest woman in my family. Plus my family used to call me "big boned". True I have a large frame, but when I was a teenager... I was not overweight. And I've always been quite the klutz, running into things, I bruise easily, I'm always in a rush and miscalculate where the door frame is apparently.
So when my brother called me Amazon Woman it hurt tremendously and has lasted in my mind for 44 years. I can correlate so many instances of feeling low self-esteem to those comments.
But now I'm starting to see those comments in a different light. The phrase Amazon refers to women warriors in the Roman Empire. Fierce, courageous,fighting women. Attached is a link to the Wikipedia definition... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amazons.
I've started to think of myself in a totally different way. What a relief.
The second incident happened at my last job. I worked in a male dominated industry. I was the 4th female project manager at my company, all the rest were men. I worked there for nearly 5 years. I loved my job, all the field guys treated me great, I got along well with our engineers and other co-workers. The problem I ran into was the higher ups. They treated the female PM's as if they were not worth nearly as much as the men. And my perception of my immediate boss... well, he wasn't the best. When my employment was terminated in July, 2003 I was devastated. I enjoyed my job and I was very good at it. All my jobs came in on time and I made the company plenty of money. I thought my immediate boss had torpedoed me.
About a month before I was terminated one of the other PM's in my group had taken over from my immediate boss - and I now realize it was his controlling attitude and my independent streak that got me canned.
It is amazing to me how your perceptions can be "off" and until you know the whole story... you could be wrong. I was.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My new direction
I started on the path to be a kidney donor this week. My first appointment at University of Washington Medical Center was yesterday morning.
I feel that this is a path that the universe has opened up for me. And the funny thing is, something happened yesterday morning to confirm it. As we got to the reception desk at the Transplant Unit there were two women in front of us. When they turned around my husband and I were shocked to see that it was a woman he knows from a nearby town. He has known her for over 30 years and she was at the Transplant Unit to be a kidney donor as well! I don't really believe in coincidences and this was too much to believe!
Back to the appointment... it lasted about 3 hours. I will be what is called a Non-Directed, Altruistic Donor - meaning that I have no one in particular I want to donate my kidney to. What I didn't know before the appt. was that I could choose where my kidney goes. I can choose to have it stay in the Puget Sound area and go to someone on the University of Washington Medical Center transplant list. Or I can donate it to someone on the UNOS (United Network for Organ Sharing) transplant list, which is nationwide.
And the other choice I have is to have it go to a child (under 18) or an adult. My initial preference is to have my kidney go to someone in my local area. Other than that I think it should go to whoever is the best match and the most in need, whether that is a child or an adult.
As an altruistic donor I do not choose WHO it goes to, I do not get to meet my recipient. They have rules in place that we cannot have contact unless the recipient and I both agree, after a certain amount of time has passed. I am ok with that because my aim in doing this is not to be thanked by someone, but rather to help them. Of course I will be curious about how it goes long term - but that is not my long term aim.
So my tests yesterday included a chest x-ray, an EKG, a urinalysis screening and a blood draw. I met with the Nephrologist for about 20-30 minutes, a Social Worker who will be my transplant advocate and a coordinator who explained a lot of the ins and outs of the procedure. I met with the Social Worker for about 45 minutes who asked me a lot of questions about my motivation for donation; my mental health; personal info, etc.
I also had a TB test which I have to have "read" tomorrow. I also have to participate in a 2 - 24 hour urine retrieval tests. I can't work out for one week, then have to start collecting every drop of my urine for a 24 hour period. They gave me 2 one gallon containers to collect my urine for these test, which I have to refrigerate. What fun!
In 2 weeks I meet with the Transplant Psychiatrist - another routine part of the process. I suppose he'll ask me about my motivation for donating. They want to ensure that no one is pressuring me.
I have absolutely NO doubts about this decision. In fact if I could I'd go under the knife tomorrow. They did tell me that the process takes about 3 months - so we're looking at the end of August most likely.
I only hope that there are no underlying issues to prevent me from donating.
More to follow...
I feel that this is a path that the universe has opened up for me. And the funny thing is, something happened yesterday morning to confirm it. As we got to the reception desk at the Transplant Unit there were two women in front of us. When they turned around my husband and I were shocked to see that it was a woman he knows from a nearby town. He has known her for over 30 years and she was at the Transplant Unit to be a kidney donor as well! I don't really believe in coincidences and this was too much to believe!
Back to the appointment... it lasted about 3 hours. I will be what is called a Non-Directed, Altruistic Donor - meaning that I have no one in particular I want to donate my kidney to. What I didn't know before the appt. was that I could choose where my kidney goes. I can choose to have it stay in the Puget Sound area and go to someone on the University of Washington Medical Center transplant list. Or I can donate it to someone on the UNOS (United Network for Organ Sharing) transplant list, which is nationwide.
And the other choice I have is to have it go to a child (under 18) or an adult. My initial preference is to have my kidney go to someone in my local area. Other than that I think it should go to whoever is the best match and the most in need, whether that is a child or an adult.
As an altruistic donor I do not choose WHO it goes to, I do not get to meet my recipient. They have rules in place that we cannot have contact unless the recipient and I both agree, after a certain amount of time has passed. I am ok with that because my aim in doing this is not to be thanked by someone, but rather to help them. Of course I will be curious about how it goes long term - but that is not my long term aim.
So my tests yesterday included a chest x-ray, an EKG, a urinalysis screening and a blood draw. I met with the Nephrologist for about 20-30 minutes, a Social Worker who will be my transplant advocate and a coordinator who explained a lot of the ins and outs of the procedure. I met with the Social Worker for about 45 minutes who asked me a lot of questions about my motivation for donation; my mental health; personal info, etc.
I also had a TB test which I have to have "read" tomorrow. I also have to participate in a 2 - 24 hour urine retrieval tests. I can't work out for one week, then have to start collecting every drop of my urine for a 24 hour period. They gave me 2 one gallon containers to collect my urine for these test, which I have to refrigerate. What fun!
In 2 weeks I meet with the Transplant Psychiatrist - another routine part of the process. I suppose he'll ask me about my motivation for donating. They want to ensure that no one is pressuring me.
I have absolutely NO doubts about this decision. In fact if I could I'd go under the knife tomorrow. They did tell me that the process takes about 3 months - so we're looking at the end of August most likely.
I only hope that there are no underlying issues to prevent me from donating.
More to follow...
good or bad...
I was fortunate enough to have touched base recently with a wonderful woman I knew as a child through H.S. (via Facebook). We had lunch earlier this week and caught up. Her name is Ann and there is a reason I was friends with her when we were younger. She has a wonderful spirit about her (30 some years later), seems to have her act together and is happy with her lot in life.
Though she did tell me some disturbing news. Another woman I knew from grade school through high school (34 years since we graduated) has had multiple problems with alcohol since college. She was arrested numerous times for DUI until 1997 when she ran down a woman walking along the road on the Sammamish Plateau, killing her. Once she was released from prison in '03 she was arrested again for another DUI.
This made me start thinking about the different paths our lives take. I know that there are a lot of substance abusers out there - but don't most of them NOT drive when they are under the influence. What made this woman think it was ok to get behind the wheel after consuming enough alcohol to blow a .34 on a breathalyzer?
Could that have been any of us? This woman had so much promise, graduating from college Cum Laude.
And now she has ruined how many lives? Hers, her husbands, her kids, her victim's family as well as taking a life.
While I am not perfect I try to do my best and have recently come to the realization that it's time for me to give back - in whatever way I can.
Why do people choose that type of path? And why can't they stop themselves? To destroy that many lives.... so very, very sad...
Though she did tell me some disturbing news. Another woman I knew from grade school through high school (34 years since we graduated) has had multiple problems with alcohol since college. She was arrested numerous times for DUI until 1997 when she ran down a woman walking along the road on the Sammamish Plateau, killing her. Once she was released from prison in '03 she was arrested again for another DUI.
This made me start thinking about the different paths our lives take. I know that there are a lot of substance abusers out there - but don't most of them NOT drive when they are under the influence. What made this woman think it was ok to get behind the wheel after consuming enough alcohol to blow a .34 on a breathalyzer?
Could that have been any of us? This woman had so much promise, graduating from college Cum Laude.
And now she has ruined how many lives? Hers, her husbands, her kids, her victim's family as well as taking a life.
While I am not perfect I try to do my best and have recently come to the realization that it's time for me to give back - in whatever way I can.
Why do people choose that type of path? And why can't they stop themselves? To destroy that many lives.... so very, very sad...
Monday, May 3, 2010
A Weighty Issue
I got out of the pool this morning at the YMCA after swimming for 1/2 hour and went into the sauna for about 5 minutes to warm up even more. When I exited the sauna a woman walked in front of me, totally naked, having just gotten out of the shower. Now keep in mind that most of the women there are quite modest. We get into and out of the shower all wrapped in a towel - so to see one butt naked was a little shock. But then I thought, heck, why not?! We all have the same equipment, some with more, some with less.
I think that I am a little obsessed with my weight. I have done the yo-yo think since I was about 30 or so. Gained 10-15 or 20 pounds, lose it all about 5 years later only to slowly gain it back over the course of a couple of years. But I'm always worried about how I look, how much do I weigh, how do I compare to others.... blah, blah, blah. It gets real old.
Then I read an article in the Wall Street Journal last week about several studies that have been done recently showing that 10-15 pounds extra as you get older is not harmful, in fact, it may be helpful. Whew! what a relief. Seems like there is a reason why I carry a few extra pounds - my body is trying to tell me this is good for me??
I think that I am a little obsessed with my weight. I have done the yo-yo think since I was about 30 or so. Gained 10-15 or 20 pounds, lose it all about 5 years later only to slowly gain it back over the course of a couple of years. But I'm always worried about how I look, how much do I weigh, how do I compare to others.... blah, blah, blah. It gets real old.
Then I read an article in the Wall Street Journal last week about several studies that have been done recently showing that 10-15 pounds extra as you get older is not harmful, in fact, it may be helpful. Whew! what a relief. Seems like there is a reason why I carry a few extra pounds - my body is trying to tell me this is good for me??
Friday, April 9, 2010
A letter to God from me
Dear God,
I admit, sometimes I don't always get your messages right away. That's probably why you need to hit me upside the head - or make it REALLY obvious.
OK, so I got the message about what the next role in my life is supposed to be. I have realized through Your grace that I have been given so many gifts in my life - not all of them good or positive. But all my experiences have made me who I am and I wouldn't trade them for anything. And because of that I now understand that I have so much to give back.
So that is the next phase in my life, giving back. In whatever small way I can. I hope that I will be smart enough to recognize the steps when you put them in front of me. I know that I've not always been the most patient person but I'm working on it. But stick with me and I'll stick with you.
your friend,
Melissa
I admit, sometimes I don't always get your messages right away. That's probably why you need to hit me upside the head - or make it REALLY obvious.
OK, so I got the message about what the next role in my life is supposed to be. I have realized through Your grace that I have been given so many gifts in my life - not all of them good or positive. But all my experiences have made me who I am and I wouldn't trade them for anything. And because of that I now understand that I have so much to give back.
So that is the next phase in my life, giving back. In whatever small way I can. I hope that I will be smart enough to recognize the steps when you put them in front of me. I know that I've not always been the most patient person but I'm working on it. But stick with me and I'll stick with you.
your friend,
Melissa
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Donations
I've come to a pretty momentous decision in my life. I am starting the process to possibly become a kidney donor.
A girlfriend of mine was feeling pretty lousy a year or two ago. I urged her to see her doctor for a check up. Turns out she has polycystic kidney disease (PKD), an inherited disease where cysts form in your kidneys. Her dad died in his mid-60's from PKD after being on a waiting list for a transplant. While she is doing ok now at 44 years old my friends prognosis is unknown. The disease can be managed long-term if she is careful.
But it got me thinking about the thousands of people on transplant waiting lists all through our country. And I kept seeing articles about people who have made anonymous kidney donation, meaning they didn't know the person they were donating their kidney too.
While this has been a big decision, it was not that difficult. I have always been so healthy with no history of any kinds of disease in my family. After doing some research I've found that they can operate and take my kidney laparascopically, meaning very small incisions. And recovery time with this type of operation is minimal.
I visit my doctor tomorrow to talk with her about her opinion on this and get some preliminary tests done.
A girlfriend of mine was feeling pretty lousy a year or two ago. I urged her to see her doctor for a check up. Turns out she has polycystic kidney disease (PKD), an inherited disease where cysts form in your kidneys. Her dad died in his mid-60's from PKD after being on a waiting list for a transplant. While she is doing ok now at 44 years old my friends prognosis is unknown. The disease can be managed long-term if she is careful.
But it got me thinking about the thousands of people on transplant waiting lists all through our country. And I kept seeing articles about people who have made anonymous kidney donation, meaning they didn't know the person they were donating their kidney too.
While this has been a big decision, it was not that difficult. I have always been so healthy with no history of any kinds of disease in my family. After doing some research I've found that they can operate and take my kidney laparascopically, meaning very small incisions. And recovery time with this type of operation is minimal.
I visit my doctor tomorrow to talk with her about her opinion on this and get some preliminary tests done.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Weight lifting... the other wonder drug....
For the last 4 years or so I've had a problem with the muscles in my lower neck/upper back/between my shoulder blades. Sometimes it would be so bad that the pains and aches would radiate up through my neck and around my head, so much so that it felt like someone tightening a band around my head. Probably a little bit of jaw clenching while sleeping too.
I have tried chiropractic, physical therapy, massage therapy and pills (aspirin or ibuprofen). Last summer ('09) it got really bad, mostly because we had 7 people living in our 2000 sq. ft. house for about 3 months. While some of the summer was ok, it got to be too stressful and unbearable by the middle of August. Back to the chiropractor I went followed by deep-tissue massage.
It is now 7 months later. In February I started going to our local YMCA and even met once with a personal trainer. The cardio she recommended was just a little more intense than what I've been doing for 2 1/2 years.
But the real miracle was working on the weight machines. SUCH A DIFFERENCE! I do not have any more pain in the back or shoulders or neck or jaw. I had used some 8 lb free weights for quite a while but obviously that did not give me the same resistance.
I'm so thankful I've started this regimen. If this can keep me free of pain and aches long term, I am SO there!
I have tried chiropractic, physical therapy, massage therapy and pills (aspirin or ibuprofen). Last summer ('09) it got really bad, mostly because we had 7 people living in our 2000 sq. ft. house for about 3 months. While some of the summer was ok, it got to be too stressful and unbearable by the middle of August. Back to the chiropractor I went followed by deep-tissue massage.
It is now 7 months later. In February I started going to our local YMCA and even met once with a personal trainer. The cardio she recommended was just a little more intense than what I've been doing for 2 1/2 years.
But the real miracle was working on the weight machines. SUCH A DIFFERENCE! I do not have any more pain in the back or shoulders or neck or jaw. I had used some 8 lb free weights for quite a while but obviously that did not give me the same resistance.
I'm so thankful I've started this regimen. If this can keep me free of pain and aches long term, I am SO there!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
My wonderful children
the other day I was taking a walk with a friend, talking about our respective children, all grown. I told her that my kids have become exactly who I'd hoped they'd be.
What surprised me is that while one of her children, in his early 30's is accomplished and well on his way in his chosen, well-respected profession, the other son, while still accomplished, is not in a profession she'd have chosen. Nor is it something society would consider a "success".
Now while I know we all wish our children the best, I've noticed that some parents do not consider them a success unless they follow a prescribed path. Be it through $$, or the career they choose. But I ask you, is being a lawyer any better than a garbage collector, is being a doctor any better than an accountant, or is a banker better than a painter??? Most people would say yes.
But my criteria has always been - what kind of person are they?? Are they caring and compassionate; do they have a good sense of humor; do they want to spend time with their family? Is money the be all and end all - without thought of others?
I taught my children that no matter what they do in their work life, if they are the best people they can be then I will love them no matter what.
And it turns out, I was right - my children ARE the best! They are funny, caring, loving, compassionate - they care about not just their family but about their friends and others in their life.
I have succeeded as a mother - what more could I ask for?
What surprised me is that while one of her children, in his early 30's is accomplished and well on his way in his chosen, well-respected profession, the other son, while still accomplished, is not in a profession she'd have chosen. Nor is it something society would consider a "success".
Now while I know we all wish our children the best, I've noticed that some parents do not consider them a success unless they follow a prescribed path. Be it through $$, or the career they choose. But I ask you, is being a lawyer any better than a garbage collector, is being a doctor any better than an accountant, or is a banker better than a painter??? Most people would say yes.
But my criteria has always been - what kind of person are they?? Are they caring and compassionate; do they have a good sense of humor; do they want to spend time with their family? Is money the be all and end all - without thought of others?
I taught my children that no matter what they do in their work life, if they are the best people they can be then I will love them no matter what.
And it turns out, I was right - my children ARE the best! They are funny, caring, loving, compassionate - they care about not just their family but about their friends and others in their life.
I have succeeded as a mother - what more could I ask for?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
To color or not to color...???
at nearly 52 I have my share of gray hair, some unruly some barely seen. I even have a streak on the left side of my head, hidden under my part. I used to color my hair (or highlight as it was called) but got tired of the maintenance. So now I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I would look younger with more blond/gold/tawny brown highlights - the answer is unquestionably.... Of Course! But do I really want to go back to that? As it is now nearly spring it always seemed like an appropriate time to freshen up my appearance. And we can always use a little help to look younger, can't we?
I just came back from a haircut so these thoughts are running around in my head. I wanted a shag cut (remember those from the early 70's?) but she was adamant in talking me out of it, don't have the right kind of hair... too much work to get it looking good, etc. I'm sure she was totally right but I wanted something different.
When I lived in Philadelphia where the humidity in the summer could be nearly 100% I went to the hairdresser one Saturday and came out with my hair looking good, full of "product". Within a very short time all the hairspray seemed to have melted on my head, leaving me with a sticky mess. YUK! So I hardly use product anymore, though I did leave the hairdresser today with some volumizer and hairspray. Amazing what we'll do to look good.
My mom has colored her hair for as long as I remember. At nearly 80 she finally decided to quit the coloring cold turkey. Now her head is all gray and she really looks great. I really don't want to end up with a 30 year habit of coloring.
So my question is.... to color or not to color....?
I just came back from a haircut so these thoughts are running around in my head. I wanted a shag cut (remember those from the early 70's?) but she was adamant in talking me out of it, don't have the right kind of hair... too much work to get it looking good, etc. I'm sure she was totally right but I wanted something different.
When I lived in Philadelphia where the humidity in the summer could be nearly 100% I went to the hairdresser one Saturday and came out with my hair looking good, full of "product". Within a very short time all the hairspray seemed to have melted on my head, leaving me with a sticky mess. YUK! So I hardly use product anymore, though I did leave the hairdresser today with some volumizer and hairspray. Amazing what we'll do to look good.
My mom has colored her hair for as long as I remember. At nearly 80 she finally decided to quit the coloring cold turkey. Now her head is all gray and she really looks great. I really don't want to end up with a 30 year habit of coloring.
So my question is.... to color or not to color....?
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Vitamin D - the new wonder drug?
In December on my annual visit to my doctor they checked my Vitamin D level as part of the routine lab work. Turns out my levels were quite low. In an article I read the other day people of northern European descent (like me) have evolved over time to have lightened skin. The pale skin allows us to absorb more Vitamin D from sunlight.
So my doctor prescribed a massive dose of Vitamin D which I took once a week for 8 weeks. I was amazed when I noticed my mood brightening over those weeks. No more doom and gloom from the dreary/dark winter days of the Pacific Northwest. My doc said that we don't get enough of the "right" kind of sun in the winter.
So now that the 8 weeks are over I'm taking 2000 IU's a day. Amazing the difference!
My question is... Is Vitamin D the new wonder drug? Is that what all of us in the northern climes need in the winter?
So my doctor prescribed a massive dose of Vitamin D which I took once a week for 8 weeks. I was amazed when I noticed my mood brightening over those weeks. No more doom and gloom from the dreary/dark winter days of the Pacific Northwest. My doc said that we don't get enough of the "right" kind of sun in the winter.
So now that the 8 weeks are over I'm taking 2000 IU's a day. Amazing the difference!
My question is... Is Vitamin D the new wonder drug? Is that what all of us in the northern climes need in the winter?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Hot Flash?
After swimming at the YMCA this morning I thought I'd try out the sauna. It only took about 5 minutes before I had a simulated "hot flash". Now I'm not even 52 years old yet (next month) and I'm not quite at the point where I should be expecting a hot flash. But this was quite convincing.
I had one friend several years ago describe a hot flash as a power surge, hmmmm, not so bad??? or was that just her way of brushing it off?
I think it very interesting that all of us women of certain age go through "the change" in such a different way. Different ages (some as young as 40), different symptoms... some of them mild or some like my mom who had severe cycles, hot flashes and night sweats.
So is this something to dread.... or something to look forward to? A transition to a new phase in our lives?
I had one friend several years ago describe a hot flash as a power surge, hmmmm, not so bad??? or was that just her way of brushing it off?
I think it very interesting that all of us women of certain age go through "the change" in such a different way. Different ages (some as young as 40), different symptoms... some of them mild or some like my mom who had severe cycles, hot flashes and night sweats.
So is this something to dread.... or something to look forward to? A transition to a new phase in our lives?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Family
I was blessed with a good family. I don't mean good breeding, I mean good people.
No matter what I've done in my life, 3 marriages, 2 divorces; joining the Navy and moving several thousands of miles away; doing the "untraditional" by choosing construction as my career - my family has always been accepting. I've heard stories from friends of their parents/siblings, trying to influence them. In everything from choosing their mate, deciding where to live, what school to go to, how many kids to have (or not have any), where to go on vacation, what to have for dinner. My family has never tried to influence me - when I divorced my philandering husband at 30 they didn't tell me I should stick it out to make it work. When I divorced my depressed and anti-social (2nd) husband at 40 they didn't try and tell me he'd get over it.
I say all this because I have a friend who just married and will probably be going through a divorce shortly. She made a poor choice in the man she chose. And her family has been, all through her life, scathing in their disapproval of some of her choices.
So I wonder, if you don't have a good and supportive family... do the friends you choose become your family? Do your friends make a good substitute for the family you didn't get?
No matter what I've done in my life, 3 marriages, 2 divorces; joining the Navy and moving several thousands of miles away; doing the "untraditional" by choosing construction as my career - my family has always been accepting. I've heard stories from friends of their parents/siblings, trying to influence them. In everything from choosing their mate, deciding where to live, what school to go to, how many kids to have (or not have any), where to go on vacation, what to have for dinner. My family has never tried to influence me - when I divorced my philandering husband at 30 they didn't tell me I should stick it out to make it work. When I divorced my depressed and anti-social (2nd) husband at 40 they didn't try and tell me he'd get over it.
I say all this because I have a friend who just married and will probably be going through a divorce shortly. She made a poor choice in the man she chose. And her family has been, all through her life, scathing in their disapproval of some of her choices.
So I wonder, if you don't have a good and supportive family... do the friends you choose become your family? Do your friends make a good substitute for the family you didn't get?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Gratitude
I used to think that life was a struggle, so many things happened to me, good and bad. And I wondered why these things were happening (mostly the bad). Maybe it wasn't that life was a struggle, but that I struggled with life. I was married twice and neither worked out (being simplistic here I know); I worked my way up in my career to being a project manager for a major mechanical contractor in Seattle but because I did not have the educational background I never seemed to make enough $$. As a single parent of 2 teenagers my salary flew out the window as soon as I was paid.
But then about 7 or 8 years ago the concept of gratitude started to become more and more important to me. Instead of always worrying about what I didn't have, I started thinking about what I did have. What a revelation!
There is so much abundance in this world, if only we adjust our expectations. I have come to expect very little, yet I've been given so much.
Instead of looking at everything that has happened in my life as "why me" - I now thank God/the universe for putting those lessons in my life. Because they've made me who I am. They may not have been easy, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I accept the abundance with gratitude.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Spiritual or Religious
I grew up in a traditional household, Lutheran church on Sunday with the whole family; Vacation Bible School in the summer for 2 weeks; confirmation classes. Our minister was a mean old man who didn't seem to like kids and certainly not teenagers. Maybe scared me off...?
I started questioning the Christian faith in high school. Probably after I tried the Young Life movement and found it NOT to my liking. The people seemed too phony. Then I took a world religion class in high school and my eyes opened up.
All I could think is how could so many people in the world be wrong and people who believe in Christianity be the only ones who are right?
When I joined the Navy you had the option to list your religion on your dog tags. I chose to put "No Religious Preference" on mine. That about summed it up for 15 years, till I was about 35.
I tried going to church at various times in those years but it just seemed to me that the people were unfriendly and hypocritical.
When I hit my mid-thirties I started reading, everything and anything about re-incarnation, past lives. So much information. It transformed me. I started to see the world in a different light. So many things happened to me to re-affirm my beliefs.
I see myself now as a spiritual person. I don't go to church regularly. And I don't understand people who say that you have to believe in an organized religion in order to be spiritual.
I started questioning the Christian faith in high school. Probably after I tried the Young Life movement and found it NOT to my liking. The people seemed too phony. Then I took a world religion class in high school and my eyes opened up.
All I could think is how could so many people in the world be wrong and people who believe in Christianity be the only ones who are right?
When I joined the Navy you had the option to list your religion on your dog tags. I chose to put "No Religious Preference" on mine. That about summed it up for 15 years, till I was about 35.
I tried going to church at various times in those years but it just seemed to me that the people were unfriendly and hypocritical.
When I hit my mid-thirties I started reading, everything and anything about re-incarnation, past lives. So much information. It transformed me. I started to see the world in a different light. So many things happened to me to re-affirm my beliefs.
I see myself now as a spiritual person. I don't go to church regularly. And I don't understand people who say that you have to believe in an organized religion in order to be spiritual.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Beauty
I have lived in the Pacific Northwest all my life, except for 2 4-5 year periods in the military. While I love it here at times the weather is difficult at best (no surprise), especially in the winter. Rain can be a constant presence from November through... April/May even June. I have never been affected by it, it's just the way it is. You get used to it. When I was younger it bothered me because I had to walk to school, didn't always have an umbrella and my eyeglasses would get wet. Now, I have a raincoat, a rain hat (which my husband hates) and boots that are waterproof. So when I take my pups for a walk twice a day, it doesn't really bother me.
There are so many good things about the place I live. If it is sunny, the mountains are out, it is so green, and they sky is so blue.
Last weekend when we were at the beach, it wasn't exactly great weather. There were some sun breaks, some rain. On Saturday afternoon we took a drive to the jetty, which juts into the Pacific a couple hundred yards. We climbed some dunes, may be 50' high, the highest point in the area. You could look to the south and see the waves crashing over the jetty, to the west there were some dark clouds with the sun peaking through, to the north the beach and the surf. It was so gorgeous! To me it was a reconnection to the universe; a reminder of all that is glorious in nature.
I know that I am fortunate to live in such a gorgeous area. I've lived in places that weren't so nice. New Orleans was a tough place. Though it did have a beauty of it's own, it was hard for me to see it.
And then I wonder, do most people love where they live? Or do they long for other places? I know in the winter around here most people dream of warm and dry climates. But wouldn't you get tired of that too? I guess it is the variety we long for.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Men, good, bad or indifferent
I have worked with mostly men nearly my whole working career. First in the Navy, I joined back in 1979. At that time there were still the "old school" men around who didn't think women should be there. Keep in mind, we (women) were not allowed on ships or in battle zones. I guess back then the powers that be weren't enlightened like they are in the 21st century. Even though I knew I could do a heck of a lot better on a ship or in battle than a lot of the guys I worked alongside.
Shortly after leaving the Navy (4 years active duty, 5 years as an active Reservist) I started working in the construction industry. Not in the field, oh no, there weren't too many women doing that. I worked in the office, slowly working my way into a Project Manager position. Then I did get to work in the field. I loved it! I was on a new Microsoft bldg. along with only 3 other women. I fit in well and was respected by the guys. I was good at my job and made $$ for the company. I left that position in July, 2003.
Enough of the background. I've noticed in the last couple of years a craving for the company of other women. It's not that I'm tired of men, I guess my focus has shifted. I just don't want to be around guys. I know they think that women play games or are manipulative - but men can be just as manipulative, in a different way.
I prefer to hear other women's stories. What they've been through in their lives. Do they have kids? Young or grown? Did they get married young? Are they still married? Happy? How has their work life been? Had a satisfying career? Or switched jobs a lot? How is their health? Have they taken good care of themselves? Are fit? or fat?
Most important... Do you feel good about yourself?
Shortly after leaving the Navy (4 years active duty, 5 years as an active Reservist) I started working in the construction industry. Not in the field, oh no, there weren't too many women doing that. I worked in the office, slowly working my way into a Project Manager position. Then I did get to work in the field. I loved it! I was on a new Microsoft bldg. along with only 3 other women. I fit in well and was respected by the guys. I was good at my job and made $$ for the company. I left that position in July, 2003.
Enough of the background. I've noticed in the last couple of years a craving for the company of other women. It's not that I'm tired of men, I guess my focus has shifted. I just don't want to be around guys. I know they think that women play games or are manipulative - but men can be just as manipulative, in a different way.
I prefer to hear other women's stories. What they've been through in their lives. Do they have kids? Young or grown? Did they get married young? Are they still married? Happy? How has their work life been? Had a satisfying career? Or switched jobs a lot? How is their health? Have they taken good care of themselves? Are fit? or fat?
Most important... Do you feel good about yourself?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Middle Age
Hmmm, 1 a.m. and I'm wide awake. When did this start? The insomnia, the incessant running through problems (both minor and "major") in my head when I can't sleep? Or is it just peri-menopause. No hot flashes or night sweats, just popping awake in the wee hours only to toss and turn.
Here I am, a 51 year old female. I've had the career, a constant stepping up the ladder from the time I was 30. I enjoyed it too. It seemed so effortless, that climb. Like it was laid out in front of me and all I had to do was make each rung in succession. I do miss it in some ways. I loved what I did, it was a constant challenge. What I didn't like was the STRESS and lack of support from my boss. But goodness, did it give me a lot of backbone!
But now it's on to something else. I've been asking the universe for a couple of years now to point me in the right direction. I do not believe my purpose here on this earth is to just wither away - I know I still have a lot to contribute. And I think I know which way I'm headed.
I've started doing some volunteering. I tried it a number of years ago but didn't feel like anything I did fit me very well. I am now a mentor to a 6th grade boy. At first I wasn't sure if it was a good fit - but now I'm enjoying it quite a bit. He is a cute, precocious kid who needs some guidance. And isn't that what mentoring is all about?
Here I am, a 51 year old female. I've had the career, a constant stepping up the ladder from the time I was 30. I enjoyed it too. It seemed so effortless, that climb. Like it was laid out in front of me and all I had to do was make each rung in succession. I do miss it in some ways. I loved what I did, it was a constant challenge. What I didn't like was the STRESS and lack of support from my boss. But goodness, did it give me a lot of backbone!
But now it's on to something else. I've been asking the universe for a couple of years now to point me in the right direction. I do not believe my purpose here on this earth is to just wither away - I know I still have a lot to contribute. And I think I know which way I'm headed.
I've started doing some volunteering. I tried it a number of years ago but didn't feel like anything I did fit me very well. I am now a mentor to a 6th grade boy. At first I wasn't sure if it was a good fit - but now I'm enjoying it quite a bit. He is a cute, precocious kid who needs some guidance. And isn't that what mentoring is all about?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Time at the beach
This has been a challenging year (and it's only January 23rd). For some reason, old ghosts from the past have risen up to make me aware of their presence. I've been battling to put them back into the closet where they belong, so far I've been successful. But it's no fun. I don't want to go there.
In addition, I've felt out of sorts in the last two weeks, not enjoying my day. Not good.
So we came to the beach for a little much needed R&R. Couldn't have been a better decision. The weather, while not sunny all the time, at least has not been rainy, all the time. Looking out at the surf, enjoying some quiet time in the motor home, playing with my 3 ratties and finding pleasure in the company of my husband. And how can I forget - not being on a clock, forgetting what day it is, wonder of wonders!
It has been time to reconnect with the universe and I've made a success of that!
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About Me
- keatime
- I am a middle aged woman, well-traveled but finally settled into one spot, back home in the Pacific Northwest. I enjoy traveling with my husband, playing with my three ratties and seeing my kids/step-kids healthy and happy.