Beauty

I have lived in the Pacific Northwest all my life, except for 2 4-5 year periods in the military. While I love it here at times the weather is difficult at best (no surprise), especially in the winter. Rain can be a constant presence from November through... April/May even June. I have never been affected by it, it's just the way it is. You get used to it. When I was younger it bothered me because I had to walk to school, didn't always have an umbrella and my eyeglasses would get wet. Now, I have a raincoat, a rain hat (which my husband hates) and boots that are waterproof. So when I take my pups for a walk twice a day, it doesn't really bother me.

There are so many good things about the place I live. If it is sunny, the mountains are out, it is so green, and they sky is so blue.

Last weekend when we were at the beach, it wasn't exactly great weather. There were some sun breaks, some rain. On Saturday afternoon we took a drive to the jetty, which juts into the Pacific a couple hundred yards. We climbed some dunes, may be 50' high, the highest point in the area. You could look to the south and see the waves crashing over the jetty, to the west there were some dark clouds with the sun peaking through, to the north the beach and the surf. It was so gorgeous! To me it was a reconnection to the universe; a reminder of all that is glorious in nature.

I know that I am fortunate to live in such a gorgeous area. I've lived in places that weren't so nice. New Orleans was a tough place. Though it did have a beauty of it's own, it was hard for me to see it.

And then I wonder, do most people love where they live? Or do they long for other places? I know in the winter around here most people dream of warm and dry climates. But wouldn't you get tired of that too? I guess it is the variety we long for.

Men, good, bad or indifferent

I have worked with mostly men nearly my whole working career. First in the Navy, I joined back in 1979. At that time there were still the "old school" men around who didn't think women should be there. Keep in mind, we (women) were not allowed on ships or in battle zones. I guess back then the powers that be weren't enlightened like they are in the 21st century. Even though I knew I could do a heck of a lot better on a ship or in battle than a lot of the guys I worked alongside.

Shortly after leaving the Navy (4 years active duty, 5 years as an active Reservist) I started working in the construction industry. Not in the field, oh no, there weren't too many women doing that. I worked in the office, slowly working my way into a Project Manager position. Then I did get to work in the field. I loved it! I was on a new Microsoft bldg. along with only 3 other women. I fit in well and was respected by the guys. I was good at my job and made $$ for the company. I left that position in July, 2003.

Enough of the background. I've noticed in the last couple of years a craving for the company of other women. It's not that I'm tired of men, I guess my focus has shifted. I just don't want to be around guys. I know they think that women play games or are manipulative - but men can be just as manipulative, in a different way.

I prefer to hear other women's stories. What they've been through in their lives. Do they have kids? Young or grown? Did they get married young? Are they still married? Happy? How has their work life been? Had a satisfying career? Or switched jobs a lot? How is their health? Have they taken good care of themselves? Are fit? or fat?

Most important... Do you feel good about yourself?

Middle Age

Hmmm, 1 a.m. and I'm wide awake. When did this start? The insomnia, the incessant running through problems (both minor and "major") in my head when I can't sleep? Or is it just peri-menopause. No hot flashes or night sweats, just popping awake in the wee hours only to toss and turn.

Here I am, a 51 year old female. I've had the career, a constant stepping up the ladder from the time I was 30. I enjoyed it too. It seemed so effortless, that climb. Like it was laid out in front of me and all I had to do was make each rung in succession. I do miss it in some ways. I loved what I did, it was a constant challenge. What I didn't like was the STRESS and lack of support from my boss. But goodness, did it give me a lot of backbone!

But now it's on to something else. I've been asking the universe for a couple of years now to point me in the right direction. I do not believe my purpose here on this earth is to just wither away - I know I still have a lot to contribute. And I think I know which way I'm headed.

I've started doing some volunteering. I tried it a number of years ago but didn't feel like anything I did fit me very well. I am now a mentor to a 6th grade boy. At first I wasn't sure if it was a good fit - but now I'm enjoying it quite a bit. He is a cute, precocious kid who needs some guidance. And isn't that what mentoring is all about?

Time at the beach

This has been a challenging year (and it's only January 23rd). For some reason, old ghosts from the past have risen up to make me aware of their presence. I've been battling to put them back into the closet where they belong, so far I've been successful. But it's no fun. I don't want to go there.

In addition, I've felt out of sorts in the last two weeks, not enjoying my day. Not good.

So we came to the beach for a little much needed R&R. Couldn't have been a better decision. The weather, while not sunny all the time, at least has not been rainy, all the time. Looking out at the surf, enjoying some quiet time in the motor home, playing with my 3 ratties and finding pleasure in the company of my husband. And how can I forget - not being on a clock, forgetting what day it is, wonder of wonders!

It has been time to reconnect with the universe and I've made a success of that!